Feel free to send Bob or Jen a question about anything life is throwing at you. We will do our best to provide incite. You may send your questions to ask@thebobcollins.com.

Thursday
04Mar2010

Kinda got myself into a bind:

DateThursday, March 4, 2010 at 6:28PM
I frequent the same restaurant often and have grown fond of the cutest waitress! Without even thinking, I casually asked her to go out and she (to my shocking surprise) quickly responded "Yes, that would be fun!"... So we are going to dinner Saturday night!!!
 
PROBLEMO:

I am 49yo and she is 28yo. I have known her age for a while and honestly never planned to actually ask her out; it just kinda happened....
 
Should I lie about my age in hopes of stringing her along long enough to get a chance at tapping it and then play dumb if/when the truth comes out OR discuss it early in our date in hopes that she actually might not mind the age difference.
 
Tim
Gainesville, FL
 
From Bob:
 
Tim - I want to say up front, I do not think you should lie. It will bring bad Juju your way and you may end up liking this girl and you do not want to "f" it up over something stupid. Most importantly you may want to eat in your favorite spot again.  If you mess this date up, your screwed at lunch time. 
With that said she most likely knows you are not her age and she is interested enough to test the waters. I would go with it and if she does not bring it up, do not worry about it.   She has seen you chowing down and still wants to go out with you, so go forth on your quest to hit that, with integrity.
Congrats on getting the date with the young lady. You still got it!
 
I would also suggest using "tapping it" as  inner voice phrase and maybe translating it to the public like,  "Spank da.... on second thought considering the intent of the though "tapping it" is spot on.  
 
Good Luck,
 
Bob
 
From Jen:
 

Ohhhhhh Tim, first I have to say "tap it"???? Your 49 dude, come on now!! ;) She absolutely knows you are considerably older than her and it doesn't seem to bother her or she could have easily come up with a lame excuse, as I am sure she gets asked out all the time at work. As a woman in my mid 30's who is around men all the time at work, we can tell a mans age pretty easily. If she wants to go out with you then she probably is tired of guys around her age and wants to be with a more mature established kind of man. So I don't suggest using anykind of terminology like that around her. I'm sure she can talk the smack as good as the rest of us, but I gurantee she gets that kinda stuff from guys her own age and there is a reason she wants to go out with someone older. She will ask you if its a big deal to her exactly how old you, so for the love of God don't lie about it. You have no idea where this could go so don't jack it up from the get go.

Next, as I woman of course I get why you want to "tap that". And frankly, women are very much like men we just don't usually come straight out and say that. So, she may want the same thing you just never know. My suggestion is take her lead with this one. Be respectful and she what happens, if you get the goods then good for you AND her!!! Where it goes from there nobody knows. But, if you want it to go past just sex one time, then the key is to treat her like a lady and that will get you the best result. If all you get is a fun time at dinner, that's great. If you get to "tap it", then score!!! Its all in your hands Tim, be smart about it and ya never know what can happen.

Jen

AuthorBob Collins | Comment1 Comment |
Wednesday
03Feb2010

I find myself repeating the same type of pattern of attracting the same kind of man. 

DateWednesday, February 3, 2010 at 12:18AM

I find myself repeating the same type of pattern of attracting the same kind of man and experiencing the same kind of heartbreak over and over. They seem to be different but it always ends the same way. Tiffany – Roswell, GA

 

Tiffany –

You are making a statement more than asking a question.  I think the answer lies within you. Without me knowing more and based on your statement: I think you need to ask what am I doing or what is my dating pattern. You can not depend on anyone for your happiness.  To do so is putting an overwhelming amount of pressure on one individual and a very good way to draw someone away from you.

AuthorBob Collins | CommentPost a Comment |
Tuesday
02Feb2010

How do I deal with an hypocritical idiot of an ex-husband?? From Marie in Mt. Pleasant, MI

DateTuesday, February 2, 2010 at 7:37PM

For the record I know Marie well but this is a very legitimate problem for her.

To provide more detail behind this question, Marie helped support him through medical school. Besides being an “idiot” as she puts it, he also cheated. They have wonderful children. He does make considerable effort to be in his children’s life. However, does not use common sense when he introduces his flavor of the week to his children (on more than 4 or 5 occasions). He often relies on Marie to handle things with the children that he is responsible for and often takes advantage of her kindness.  He is the type of person that needs to feed his ego by putting other people down, including the ones that care for him. Spiritually I since he has lost focus. Not a dark spirit but very confused in his priorities.

Marie-

My first suggestion is to always delete the negatives in your life. In your case this will not work because of the children. So you need to learn to limit his power over you. You are wonderful, caring and delightful women. You seem to seek his approval. When you finally accept he is not worthy of your concern, you will be able to grow. This man in your life enjoys still being able to control you and sadly uses his own children to do it. He knows how to push your buttons by demeaning you and making light of all the things you do for both of your children.  

Think about it. It makes no since for you to let him get to you at all. You know he is a “jerk”. You know the inadequacies he is trying to make up for.

Materialistically, I know it bothers you that you helped him get to the financial point he is in today and only he is receiving the fruits of that labor. His actions flaunt that fact in your face. Yet he is still lost and searching for something he will not soon find. His priorities are focused in the wrong places. That is material stuff. You are blessed with a wonderful family. You have what you need monetarily. You have the ability to do things that many do not. Your focus needs to be on you.  His life is only part of yours when it comes to the children. Also remember, kids are smart. They see how both of you prioritizes your life. At the end of the day who will have their respect?  That bond of trust is priceless.

Focus on your blessings and continue to grow beyond anything he could ever offer you.

AuthorBob Collins | CommentPost a Comment |